On being parents (+ what I wore Sunday)

It's so funny how Stephen and I used to go on dates all.the.time before the babe was born and we totally took it for granted. That along with watching movies, free time (reading blogs for me, playing computer games for him ha), and sleeping. Our lives are changed forever, harder but completely for the better of course. It makes the time together seem sweeter (although the two times we've been out alone since he's been born I've constantly texted my mom to make sure he's ok...maybe that'll change eventually?) Also, coming home to this face is the best:

It's crazy how much being parents has enriched our relationship. Little Stephen Gabriel has made us laugh harder than we've ever laughed (although there have been tears too, at least on my part) in his short life and we just love our little guy to pieces. And seeing Stephen as a dad has made me love him in a way that I didn't know was possible.

And for what I wore Sunday:

Linen lace tank: J. Crew (on super sale!)

Pants: J. Crew (on super sale!)

Cardi: J. Crew

Sandals: Sam Edelman

Working out post-baby {guest post by Regina}

 Regina blogs over at Good One God and she has a gift for writing hilarious pieces about motherhood, as well as great posts on style and exercise. She is currently my hero as I delve back into exercising after baby...I mean, the girl ran a triathlon while she was breastfeeding!!:

The first post-partum workout is as frightening as the first time I attempt to wear my normal jeans. No matter how hard I try, my backside and stomach won't allow it. Yet, when both pivotal moments are approached with patience and proper technique a normal sense of self and a fully buttoned pant can and will be reclaimed and better than ever. As a mom of three with another on the way, the following are my tips and tricks to not just get back to the level of fitness that existed pre-pregnancy, but continue to grow with a stronger mind, body, and spirit while our newest bundles watch from their bouncy chair. 

It's mostly mental

One of my least favorite pop-culture paparazzi questions thrown at the rich and famous, and thus, imprinted on the body images of the normal is "How do you plan to lose your baby weight approximately 10 minutes after birthing that baby?" Offensive on so very many levels, the concentration on the physical appearance of moms, new and old, reduces all the incredible things of which our feminine figure is capable  and makes it much more about who can get back in shape fastest and with the best new nursing boobs. For me, post baby workouts, and all workouts for that matter, should be about function and strength so as to fulfill the duties of our lives with confidence, comfort, ease, and fun. Flat abs are a just a bonus. The way I see it, maintaining a healthy mindset that concentrates on health and strength, rather than looks and one day buttoning our pants, is a much more efficient way to actually get to the point of buttoning our pants and then running in them. 

Practice during Pregnancy

Muscles have memory, and do want to "get back" to their natural state. One way to ensure that they get their faster is by maintaining a comfortable level of fitness during pregnancy. My favorite, and most joint friendly recommendation is swimming. My particular masters team is coached by the "Killer Whales." Little did they know just how literal my current shape would take its name. Keep an eye on rapid heart beat, rapid breathing, too much exercise induced sweating and waddle along to your favorite tunes. Abs are not off limits! Try sit-ups or burpees, squats, walking, jogging, yoga, pilates, zumba, or whatever your two little heartbeats desire. 

Goals 

One of my favorite parts about being a mom is how much motherhood has inspired me to make new fitness goals, and grow in gratitude for the ability, albeit amateur and horribly uncoordinated, to do them. Take an opportunity away from me during pregnancy (skiing, comfortable running, hot yoga, etc. X 8 million) and I'll finally realize all the fun things that I do want to try. While at certain points in my post baby recovery, adherence to goals has left me much too tired and even injured, choosing reasonable goals to aspire towards has also been helpful and fruitful. For instance, while still pregnant, I might sign up for a race months and months away, pick a particular time goal for a 5k, or decide that I'd like to complete a new exercise or difficult movement by a certain date to keep me grateful for all the fun things that even a very short and uncoordinated mom can do. 

A Serious Six Weeks

If we consider labor to be what it is which is the equivalent of at least one but potentially 8-10 marathons, the thought of taking off several weeks in a row might sit better and help us do the same. Carrying and delivering a baby takes a serious toll on ligaments, joints, and internal muscles whose presence may have otherwise gone unnoticed until motherhood unleashed their beast and made it nearly impossible to sneeze without crying out in anguish. While each woman will heal at a different pace and might even get the doctor go ahead to resume normal activity, the postpartum body tends to communicate its needs and desires much more clearly than we might want. In my experience, if bleeding continues activity should not. If it hurts, it isn't healed, and working out with a body not totally healed only leads to injury and more pain. As well, if more children are desired, keep in mind that recovering well after the first and second can aid in a happier, more stable pregnancy and recovery for the children to follow. 

Baby Steps for the Baby Mama

After delivering my second baby I was so over eager to work out that I drove to the track 10 minutes after my doctor gave me the go ahead to begin normal activity. I told myself I would run 3 miles at my pre pregnant pace. After one successful lap, I left crying, hurting, and TMI!!! bleeding again. Start slow and stay there!!!! Pelvic exercises like kegels, light pilates, and lots and lots of stretching will allow the uterus and abdominal muscles to prepare themselves for normal activity. Shocking them only makes them mad! 

Strength Train with a Guide

If possible, work out with someone that knows how to to ensure gaining strength instead of sore muscles. 

Anticipate Work out Interruptions and/or Cancellations

A crying baby, messed up nap, bad feeding, 18 loads of laundry, meals that need to be made, other kids, baby up all night, bad mood, colic, clothes that are too tight, messy house, accidental flood, crayon on the walls, nap protests, thrown pasta, breast milk ruining a sports bra are all valid and probable reasons why you might cancel your workout. Its ok. 

Stay at Home or Join a Gym with Childcare

There are tons of floor workouts to be done in 10 minutes that will get a heart rate up while the kids play (or destroy something- it can happen quick).

There are also great babysitting places at gyms!  Find what works and have a blast doing it. 

Have Fun

The responsibility of bringing a new life into this crazy world is inherently stressful. Allowing fitness goals to be a source of stress is a great way to go completely crazy, and hate every minute of getting in shape. Finding things that are fun FOR YOU will relieve stress, increase endorphins and allow for mental rest. For some of us though, fitness will never be fun. It can, however, be a source of spiritual edification and personal growth. By reaching goals and feeling good about ourselves, we moms will be better, stronger, faster, and all that other stuff printed largely on athletic Tshirts.

Wearing lately {+ my favorite pants}

Getting dressed postpartum is hard. I made the mistake of trying on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans a week after giving birth (don't do it). Four weeks out, I had dropped 20 of the 28ish pounds that I put on while pregnant but my loose jeans pre-pregnancy still wouldn't cut it. And now, 6 weeks later, I can get them on and button them (barely) but they just don't fit like they did before. I started exercising again last week: so far I've tried zumba, hip hop aerobics, and cardio-boxing along with this dvd a couple times a week (funny story that this is the same dvd that I did with my mom after she gave birth to the youngest two of my 7 siblings). Still though, it's going to be awhile before my clothes fit like they used to, and that's ok.

So I decided to pick up a couple pairs of pants and tops that fit well now. It's good for my psyche and body image in this somewhat rocky time ha...

 

Pants: J. Crew 

Top: J. Crew

These are the J. Crew skinny zipper pants, which are on sale today for $25 (gasp). I first saw them in this picture:

 

Shirt: J. Crew bell floral tunic

Pants: J. Crew skinny zipper pant

I kind of fell in love with the whole ensemble, the gorgeous blue tunic (also on super sale today) and the perfect pants. I didn't think that they'd work for me now, but I ordered them in the larger of my two J. Crew pant sizes and hoped for the best. I was shocked when they arrived: they fit beautifully (I mean, as beautifully as pants can 6 weeks postpartum) with (almost) no muffin top, just enough stretch, flattering back pockets...aaaand I may have picked up another pair today (but seriously, $25!)

These Splendid tunics are part of the very few shirts that I owned pre-pregnancy that are flattering right now, and I've been wearing them nonstop:

On left:

Tunic: Splendid

Jeans: old, current version from J. Crew Factory

Sandals: Birkenstocks

On right: 

Tunic: Splendid

Sandals: Sam Edelman

These tunics definitely fit me differently than they did before I was pregnant, but they are drapey, which is always good post-partum, and they are long enough which has been an ongoing problem for me since I started breastfeeding. They're on sale right now here in lots of colors but they're still kinda pricey (I found mine on sale at 6pm.com and on Ebay).

I know it's been said before, but I'm trying to appreciate my body for the incredible feat that it's accomplished: birthing a human being (sans epidural, no less - although whether that was a good idea I'm still wrestling with in my mind ha). So I will forgive my stretch marks, soft belly, and "extra curves" and marvel in what my body has done. In the meantime, I'm trying to eat healthy, exercise and dress in a way that is flattering now. And at the end of the day, what really matters right now isn't worrying about my clothes or counting calories, it's reveling in this sweet little guy and relishing every moment with him...it's amazing how much joy a person so tiny can bring.

Last week, in our 4th of July best!

 

Linking up with the Pleated Poppy and Agi.

Polka dot skirts and sleepless nights

Tee: Loft

Skirt: J. Crew clearance last year; same available here from J. Crew Factory

Sandals: Sam Edelman

Being a mom means that you start to stop caring (or noticing) that your scarf is on lopsided, there's spit-up on your shirt, and that your hair hasn't been washed for 2+ days (thank God for dry shampoo). So if my outfit pictures seem different, that's why...and it's all worth it. Yesterday's mass outfit (linking up here) consisted of a postpartum friendly skirt (on wicked sale right now), one of my favorite tees (I had to buy a couple in a size bigger to accommodate the inevitable expansion from breastfeeding), and these sandals that were a postpartum pick-me-up (see Kayla's post for more).

There are so many things to figure out as a new parent and it often feels overwhelming. I'm the oldest of eight kids and a medical school graduate, but the fact that I really don't feel any more knowledgeable or prepared than the average new parent becomes more glaringly obvious each day. Our latest hurdle is sleeping. The only books that I read pre/early pregnancy were Ina May's birth book and the La Leche league breastfeeding book, so maybe I'm missing something glaringly obvious since I never read any books on new babies...but the last few nights have been rough. The funny thing is that it all started with his best night of sleep ever a few nights ago: two glorious 4 hour chunks with one feeding in between. Since the little guy has come a long ways from the fragile 6 pound 3 ounce that came home with us (I'm pretty sure he's pushing 10 pounds now, if not bigger) I thought maybe that night was the start of a new 'thing' but I was dead wrong.

I think I'm partially to blame for the sleep problems though...when we were packing our house to move, we noticed that little Stephen slept for much longer chunks during the day in his Rock n' Play sleeper than he did at night in his cosleeper. Fast forward to coming home from my brother-in-law's wedding when we got home late and decided to forego the cosleeper for a night...and it just never went up again since our little man seemed to love sleeping in his soft and comfy Rock n' Play. I had a nagging feeling though that it didn't really meet the standards that it should for safe sleep, and after a little googling last weekend found numerous pediatricians advice to NOT use it for overnight sleeping. So thus started the transition back to the cosleeper...and mostly sleepless nights.

So I'm off to the hospital now to do some mandatory prep before our central line certification tomorrow (being an intern on maternity leave means that I still have plenty of training and workshops to complete on my month off). I'm thankful today for strong coffee, and the little smiles that make the sleepless nights all worth it.

On being postpartum...

Stripes: J. Crew Factory (only $14.50 right now!)

Skirt: J. Crew (factory version here, retail version here)

Shoes: old, similar here

Despite everything that women say about it, the weeks postpartum are kind of like labor: nothing can really prepare you for it. I hit the rut that people talk about this week; the scale decided to stay at a standstill, I'm still just barely squeezing into my pants, and a look in the mirror shows flab where I never had it before and the little squiggly red lines that appeared on the sides of my stomach at 39 weeks pregnant.

It's funny because any time I've mentioned how awful labor was (I'm working on my birth story by the way - just not quite satisfied enough with it to share just yet) or how discouraging the postpartum body changes are, people always respond "Oh, but it's worth it, right?!" Of course it was worth it, 1000 times over. But that doesn't mean that labor wasn't horrible, or that postpartum body changes are more disconcerting than I thought they would be.

Anyways, I was more than thrilled to find this skirt in my closet from last summer which actually fits - thanks to the elastic waist, but I'll take it. Speaking of elastic waists, I just discovered that pull-on (a.k.a. elastic waist) shorts are totally in this summer. Perfect timing for the newly postpartum...I ordered these and these on sale to try, and I also found these from Old Navy.

And this is what Stephen Gabriel and I wore to mass yesterday, so we're linking up with FL&P.

Post-baby style tips (guest post by Mary)

Mary is a mom and personal stylist who blogs over at Atelier. She has the best tips on classy dressing to compliment your complexion and figure, and I'm so happy that she took time out of her crazy busy life as a mom to guest post today.

Erika has so kindly asked me to write a few words on postpartum style. Awhile back, I wrote this post on general tips for dressing postpartum. Today I want to talk about something more specific: tops. Finding tops that I feel comfortable in and that are flattering is my biggest postpartum challenge. After four children, I've discovered that there are certain styles that camouflage and flatter more than others.

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The Wrap / Crossover: Wrap tops and dresses are almost universally flattering. The v-neck creates some negative space around the face, drawing the eye upward. Also, the area around the tummy has a drape that camouflages lumps and bumps.

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The Bubble Hem: This type of top can be dressy or sporty or casual, but it's defining feature is always a fuller hem at the bottom of the shirt. The fullness may come as a result of the fabric being rolled under then hemmed, or a bit of elastic.

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The Optical Illusion: Patterns that continuously repeat like small stripes, polka dots, or chevrons are useful camouflage tools because they keep the eye moving. A well placed wide stripe at the narrow point beneath the chest can create the illusion of a smaller waist. Color blocking can draw the eyes upward. Just remember, finding the perfect optical illusion will usually take some trying on of tops, because where the graphic, patterns, line, etc. falls on your particular frame can make or break the deal.

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The Boyfriend Tee: Basically a tee that has a looser fit. Despite the name, you don't want to just wear your boyfriend's tee shirt. There is a nuance of cut to the women's shirt monikered "boyfriend," that isn't there in the original.

And just a couple other things to keep in mind:

Choose a bra that fits correctly and keeps the ladies up high.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to camouflage your midsection by buying tops in a sizer bigger than you need. It's always better to buy the correct size in a more forgiving cut.

Avoid tops with hems that fall at the widest point of your thighs, because the eye will be drawn to that point. Be especially careful of this with empire cut tops; in my experience this style tends to be longer.

Shoes: A Postpartum Pick-me-up (guest post by Kallah)

I'm thrilled to have the super sweet Kallah here today for a guest post. Be sure to check out her blog, Being Open to Life, for lots of pictures of her adorable little boys and posts on running, style, and life as a young mother.

Hey y’all! My name is Kallah. I have been an admiring reader of Erika’s for a while now… I was sucked in by the J.Crew Everything and I stayed for the sweet lovestory, adorable bump pics, and kind heart of this humble girl. Seriously - she puts me to shame!

Also. I love that, despite her missionary work and general self-effacing generosity, Erika has an appreciation for good quality and stylish taste. Life is all about balance!

I blog over at Being Open to Life… mostly my gushy, rambley reflections on my experiences being a mama at the ripe age of 25. I have two little boys and am SO excited for Erika getting to experience the boy-mom adventure with Baby Stephen.

Post-partum style is tricky. Let me rephrase that. Post-partum everything is tricky. Even in the best of pregnancy weight-gain situations, you generally have to be patient for your hips to shrink back to size; and while for some people breastfeeding seems to suck every ounce of fat off them, for others it is incredibly effective at keeping an extra 5-10 lbs of padding on your body until you wean. I was in the former camp for my first born, the latter for my second. Karma.

Don’t do what some people have done, and freak out at week 7 PP that this is the new normal for your body, and you will never be the same again. Just… wait it out. And look on the brightside. The awesome thing about having to put a hold on the best summer wardrobe of rompers and clingy jersey cotton etc etc while your body settles? SHOES. Some might see spending a good chunk of cash and time on getting the perfect shoe as a waste. I firmly regard it as an investment. See, shoes are not like summer dresses or trendy tops. A shoe that is well-made and well-designed will look good and be stylish for a very long time. The trick is to sift through the ads and decide - what is hype and what is a lasting, tasteful, good shoe investment?

Here I am, in all my unsponsored glory, to answer that question. Because a) one of my biggest passions on my own blog and elsewhere is finding ways to nurture yourself as a mom. And b) so I can play around with my husband’s Bamboo Graphics pen. Oh yes.

AKA

An Instant AND Necessary Self-esteem Boosting Pickmeup for a PostPartum Mama

The first type of shoe you need to have for summer, obbbbviously, is Sporty.

I had fallen in love with the Supergas as styled in all the J.Crew catalogs the last couple of summers. And yes they are *clay-oven-baked in Italy* to seal them up. Gahhh how sexy are Italians! I can just imagine the roaring fires in gorgeous big brick ovens, as ripped, brown Mediterranean men roast… shoes.

Anyway.

I bought these last summer when everyone else was buying Converse… I have fairly wide, big feet, and I always thought Converse All-Stars looked wayyyy too clownish. Or maybe I’m not hipster enough. Whatever. I love the roundedness of the Superga in contrast - and the fact that it doesn’t have that clowny little rubber lip on the tip of the shoe. This is much more my style.

I bought mine at Piperlime but you can find them at Nordstrom too! (They are sized a little big, btw). What’s Italian for “I wear them so much and I feel cool when I do”? Let me go check Eat Pray Love.

[Seen wearing in that first pic.]

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The second type of shoe you really need for summer is an easy Pretty sandal that gives any outfit a pop. But one that is also understated enough that you will feel comfortable wearing it all the time. My pick for a pretty sandal is wholly unoriginal and I have worn the heck out of them for the last FOUR years…

Ok, so these have been around since the 60s, thanks to fashion icon Jackie O. But they have gotten a major resurgence in preppy sorority houses and private schools all over the South in recent years. Also I think there was a mass blogger gifting from Jack Rogers last summer. #trending. [I was not included, so be assured I am not paid to promote these.]

It can be really tiring seeing everyone and their daughter (literally - 13 year old mini-me’s) traipsin around town in the same old shoe.

But…. but… BUT… everytime I put this shoe on, I really do feel prettier. Instantly. I wear them with sundresses, with skinny jeans and a v-neck white tee, with preppy little J.Crew Chino 3 Inches. I have worn them with silk dresses to weddings and with ripped up old Levi cutoffs to the beach.

Here are my JRs being so fancy:

(The fact alone that they made hugely pregnant me feel pretty is the only thing you need to know, right!).

And here they are being casual:

I couldn’t imagine my summers without that little gleam of metallica on my feet. I have to recommend them. Though not if you want to feel ahead of trends or one-of-a-kind. And, after last summer, not if you don’t want to look like a blogger.

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Sporty, pretty… next up for summer is a sexy sandal. The kind you toss on for your date night while on family vacation. The kind that makes you feel a little high-maintenance.

My pick for sexy is…

Literally, anything Dolce Vita/ DV by Dolce Vita. They are gorgeous. So on trend. These designers have the magic touch.

Now, full disclosure. I have lusted over this brand of shoes in store for a year or so now, and they feel like the real deal - soft, fairly heavy (good sign for quality material)... but I have yet to purchase a pair for my own closet. These inhabit my Pinterest closet only. ;) So I can’t speak to how long they would last looking amazing. But I believe they would hang in there for a long while.

If you can’t afford the selection at Piperlime or Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack is always a good bet. Or 6pm.com! I have loved my experience shopping from 6pm so much, I have been reluctant to spill my secret lest everyone go buy everything before I can. But I give in for Erika and her lovely readers. The returns are a pain in the butt, (you have to pay for shipping and send it off yourself) but since shipping to you is free, it feels worth it. Sending a handwritten package of returns from your Post Office to a random warehouse address in Kentucky feels sketch, but they come through and refund you. Pinky swear.

I found these Seychelles (my second fav brand to Dolce Vita) from 6pm for literally $20. (They were $80 last summer in Anthropologie!):

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The last summer shoe that makes me happy I own it from June to September is another one I would like to be too cool for, but no such luck!

This is the exact style of TOMS I own. Its called the Hemp style, or something like that. I got mine in Nordstrom, because they’re sized a bit smaller, so its definitely one you want to try on in store.

Calling them cute is... a stretch. But goodness are they comfortable. Easy, breathable, and in the nude color, I felt like they were actually fairly flattering to my short legs. I wear them a lot because I can easily walk 5 miles in them without getting blisters later. They’re great for chasing little kids around the park!

So there you go… shoes that fill the summer needs of Sporty, Pretty, Sexy, and Ugly! [slash Disgustingly-Comfortable].

So. If you find yourself in the same boat as Erika as a newly Postpartum mom this summer, the best advice I can give you is relax. Try to soak in this season of the honeymoon of motherhood. And if the baby weight melts off, AWESOME. But if it seems to be taking awhile for clothes to feel and look normal on you? Join the club; don’t worry about it or feel like you have to settle. Your body is going to spring back; just give it the nurture and love it needs… and the best way to do that, obviously, is to buy the damn shoes!

p.s.

Dearest Lovely Erika: a bazillion thanks for the opportunity to play Graphic-Designing-Fashion-Blogger for a day, without the risk of losing any of my own fragile readership slash fanbase.

;)