On this crazy life...

Friday, November 7, 2014

In recent days, I've been uncertain about the direction that I should take with this blog. My time is limited, and I don't want anything to take away from becoming the best doctor that I can be...and much more importantly, the best mother that I can be. But at the same time, this blog has given me an outlet in some of the most challenging times of my life. I've received so much support, encouragement, and kindness from all of you - and for that, I'm truly grateful.

This isn't by any means a goodbye letter just yet. I mentioned to Stephen the other day that I was wondering if I should continue blogging, partly because of time and partly because I didn't really think about the potential consequences of people reading the blog, personally and professionally (it was always intended as a fun hobby). Stephen looked at me incredulously and said "Why would you stop doing something that you really enjoy doing?" And that was all the encouragement I needed. I still plan on sharing snippets of our life, our struggles and dreams (and an occasional outfit or two). This next month is my last month of semi-normalcy before I start 6 months of intense, busy residency rotations so expect a few posts now and then potentially sporadic ones later...and thanks for being here either way :)

Sharing seven photos from my life outside of residency lately (and linking up with Jen):

1. The little man's first Halloween (lion costume was an awesome hand-me-down from one of the attendings here)! Also, my favorite new sweater (a birthday gift).

Sweater: Similar
Jeans: J. Brand (found on Nordstrom Rack)
Boots: Frye (purchased 40% off after Christmas last year)

2. My blue-eyed boy.

 3. Nothing says fall like a pumpkin patch (and this vest).

Vest: Thrifted J. Crew, same at J. Crew Factory 
Jeans: J. Brand
Boots: Frye

4. An impromptu trip to my hometown in northern Michigan (and five months postpartum, these are still my favorite pants).

 Pants: J. Crew (on sale)

5. I still maintain that I'm from the most beautiful place in the world...

 6. Indian summer = kayaking trip at one of our favorite places.

 7. Look, mom, I can fly!

Five Favorites: Twice edition

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

A couple months ago, Twice contacted me and asked if I would share some outfits and an interview for their Top Twicer feature (you can read it here). I discovered Twice (link for $10 referral credit) a few years ago and since then have found some really great pieces from my favorite brands. For those of you who haven't heard of it, Twice sells gently used clothing from brands including J. Crew (!), Anthropologie, Gap, Banana Republic, and Nordstrom.

Here are five of my favorite Twice finds (and be sure to scroll to the bottom of the post for a chance to win a Twice gift card courtesy of Twice!). 

1. I found this Anthropologie dress in one of the new arrivals emails that Twice sent me (they send emails with picks customized by your size and favorite brands). It's different than anything I had in my closet, and a great mustard color. I also love that it has the ease of a dress while giving the illusion of a skirt with a fun printed blouse.

2. I was pretty stoked to find this J. Crew white denim jacket in brand new condition. I found these green skinny cargos at Twice too, also J. Crew. Sidenote that Twice was a great place to find a couple pairs of pants and tops for transitioning back to my regular wardrobe in the postpartum period.

3. This Splendid cardi is so me, and the Anthropologie top underneath was another fun find at a great price.

4. Another great Splendid cardi in one of my favorite colors.

5. I found this Gap blazer brand new with tags from Twice! I had literally seen it only weeks before in the store so I was thrilled. Thrown over a basic dress, it makes a great work outfit.

Linking up with Jenna and The Pleated Poppy.

Want to try Twice for yourself? Already a loyal Twice shopper and want some store credit? Twice is generously offering a $25 gift card to a reader and you can enter below. And even if you don't win, you can get $10 off by using my referral link here (thanks in advance!)

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Friday, October 10, 2014

Pants: J. Crew
Boots: Frye

Some truths about this outfit...

...I wore it last weekend, since the majority of my time now is spent in scrubs (I sense a blog/ebay sale coming soon - I just can't justify all the nice clothes still in boxes since we moved)

...The pants are these ones - yes, they're maternity pants. Not the over-belly third trimester kind but the end-of-first beginning-of-second trimester side panel kind. I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight but have a residual tummy pooch that will probably require a lot more crunches/less carbs and these pants are the epitomy of comfy. Unfortunately they're also saggy, and a mid-rise would be much more flattering since these are designed to sit below the bump. I requested a pair of black skinny pants in my next Stitch Fix so we shall see.

...The babe spit up on the pants...and I just wiped it off and still wore them. Gross, I know, but part of reality with a four month old. Another reason to have a blog sale, since I own a ridiculous number of dry-clean-only J. Crew tops that I will probably never dare to wear again.

...These boots are by far the most expensive wardrobe purchase I've ever made. They were almost 40% off on Amazon when I bought them last year, but still sooo expensive and I have a twinge of guilt every time that I wear them. But they're perfect.

...I'm still wearing my hair in a top knot every.day despite the hairstylist's advice at my last appointment to not wear my hair up so much to try to stilt my dreaded postpartum hair loss...and also despite Stephen informing me after two years of marriage and two more years of dating (a.k.a. 4 years of top knot-wearing) that he prefers my hair down.

...My style has done almost a 180 since having the babe...I'm all about long, drapey tops with fun patterns and stretchy, skinny pants...and no dry-clean only (I'm embarrassed to say that I never evah checked the care tags before now). 

...Do these qualify to link up with Jen? I think so. Also linking up with the Pleated Poppy and Tara.

The blog is not dead...

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

 ...it's just called intern year. It's hard to explain the implications of those two words to those not in the medical profession. Intern year a.k.a. the first year of residency is at times draining, exhausting, defeating...one of the hardest things I've ever done (I won't say the hardest since that's reserved for childbirth and the time I spent working in Haiti after the earthquake).  Other times, it's glorious and affirming... like last week when my patient's wife hugged me with tears in her eyes and told me how grateful she was, or today when I got all 6 of my intubations. More often though, it's the former. There are days that I come home and feel like I have nothing left, I'm drained to the last ounce.

Part of the reason why intern year is so tough is because you work incredibly hard to get into medical school...and then even harder to make it through medical school...and then when it seems like there should be some sort of reward, you're an intern. A lowly first year resident...feeling like you know nothing most of the time...  at the bottom of the totem pole among all of the residents and physicians. You have the worst schedule, and the most to learn. You still don't feel deserving when people call you "doctor."

The toughest days for me are when I'm away all day or all night and come home on one of the 'drained-to-the-last-ounce' days. I spend so many hours feeling like I'm missing a piece of myself at home..and then when I get home, I feel like I have so little left to give him. But I'm trying, and I know that his daddy is giving him what I can't (although it's hard to accept this sometimes). I also know that he loves me unconditionally...that he'll smile and giggle when I come home and wrap his little arms around my neck no matter how tired I am or how long I've been gone. And I take comfort in that.


Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Top: Loft // Skirt: Loft // Boots: Steve Madden (via Amazon warehouse last year) // 
Necklace: Lisa Leonard (Stephen asked why I was wearing a tree branch around my neck)

There have been so many changes lately; Stephen Gabriel seems like a new baby every day with how much he's learning and growing...fall is just beginning...Stephen is adjusting to being a stay-at-home dad...I'm coming to the end of my ultrasound/EMS rotation and about to start a new one in anesthesia/psych. Sometimes I feel like I'm grasping onto the very few threads of normalcy in our lives right now...but it's exciting. Learning how to be a doctor, learning how to be a mother, learning how to be a family...we're blessed.

Linking up with the Pleated Poppy.

It's fall again...

Saturday, September 13, 2014

 Top: Corinna heathered dolman top from Stitch Fix
Boots: Steve Madden via Amazon Warehouse

1. I recently saw this quote on Pinterest:

It made me think about how much I love fall, but it also made me reflect on the excitement and anticipation that I felt at this time last year in early pregnancy. Life has changed very much for the better since then (harder, but better!), and I'm so grateful for all of it.

2. It's been hard lately to find time to keep this little space on the internet going. I have several half-written posts in my drafts about intern year, motherhood, medicine that I can't seem to finish. I'm having a hard time expressing my thoughts completely on it (and maybe even grasping how I really feel about it) so I guess I'll finish them in due time...or maybe not, and that's ok.

3. In the meantime here's a shot of what I've been doing at work lately on my EMS month:

Emergency medicine has it's perks.

4. I totally missed out on the opportunity to do a sappy, sweet anniversary post when we celebrated two years on August 31. My mom gave us the best gift ever and flew in for the weekend so she could help us around the house and watch the little man for some dates. We went out to dinner twice (!) and also went for a hike, which was totally therapeutic and some time that we really needed together.

5. Continuing on the fall note, it's my favorite time of year for outfits. I recently picked up a few things using a credit that I had from my Loft (everything is currently 40% off with the code fallstyle!) I definitely did not need another pencil skirt, but the mustard pattern was too good to pass up. The blouse is breastfeeding-friendly and both the skirt and the blouse will be great pieces for an emergency medicine conference that I have in Chicago next month. The cardi and top are great basics.

 6. And another outfit that I planned to share last Sunday but didn't have time to post:

Skirt: J. Crew
Vest: J. Crew Factory, super similar here or here

The last time that I wore that utility vest was actually when I was very pregnant so it was nice to be able to zip it this time ha. I'm not sure that I love it how I wore it with the maxi skirt/tee but I think it'll look great over a striped top and skinny jeans/boots for fall.

7. You probably noticed from the pictures how big our little guy is getting...I feel like I can barely remember bringing him home as a teeny newborn on the cusp of being small for gestational age...now I'm guessing he's 60th percentile? We shall see at his 4 month (!) check up in a little over a week. We love him so very much and he is worth the sleepless nights a thousand times over (I can't imagine what it's like to have a baby that sleeps through the night but someday it'll come). He is getting to be more and more interactive and it's such a joy...

Linking up with Jen // The Pleated Poppy

On this outfit...and glorious weekends

Friday, August 29, 2014

Cardi: Loft
Jeans: J Brand
Booties: Sam Edelman (thrifted last year)

 1. This outfit fits my postpartum criteria for long drapey tops, and also goes back to my girly roots (oh how I love pink...and a great drapey cardigan). The cardi also doubles as a nursing cover, and it's only $15 on sale right now at Loft. I saw the floral top originally on someone's Stitch Fix review and then found it on clearance at Off Saks (it's 40% off this weekend!).

2. My jeans (wearing them above...and in just about every other postpartum photo on my blog where I'm wearing jeans) are still on sale and I so wish that I could justify another pair, since I go into half-crisis mode whenever the little man spits on them (and I wash them way less than I really should).

3. My favorite pants of all time are 40% off sale price again this weekend (reviewed them here).

4. I have another Stitch Fix scheduled for next week and I'm pretty darn excited to see what the pretty little box brings this month. I'll be sure to share some reviews soon (in the meantime you can read last month's review here). I've been wearing the embroidered tank and the grey striped top they sent last month over and over again.

5. Due to some scheduling glitch (and the grace of God) I ended up with a three day weekend this month. Part of me wants to go somewhere and take advantage of what will be one of my very few long weekends over the next three years...but most of me just wants to stay at home and cuddle Stephen Gabriel.

6. I shared my birth story this past week (part one here, part two here) and I think it may have come off a little strong based on some of the comments...but at least I can say that it was honest? I wrote it a few weeks after his birth and when I re-read it before I posted it, it was almost like re-living it again. I feel like I understand the meaning of suffering in a much deeper way since his birth...both in the sense that it was unlike any suffering I've ever experienced before and because the gift that came of it in little Stephen was so much greater than anything I could have ever imagined.

7. Stephen and I are celebrating our second anniversary this weekend...any last minute anniversary gift ideas for him? Just call me uber prepared ha.

Have a glorious weekend. Linking with Jen.