It's fall again...

 Top: Corinna heathered dolman top from Stitch Fix

Jeans: J. Crew Factory

Boots: Steve Madden via Amazon Warehouse

1. I recently saw this quote on Pinterest:

It made me think about how much I love fall, but it also made me reflect on the excitement and anticipation that I felt at this time last year in early pregnancy. Life has changed very much for the better since then (harder, but better!), and I'm so grateful for all of it.

2. It's been hard lately to find time to keep this little space on the internet going. I have several half-written posts in my drafts about intern year, motherhood, medicine that I can't seem to finish. I'm having a hard time expressing my thoughts completely on it (and maybe even grasping how I really feel about it) so I guess I'll finish them in due time...or maybe not, and that's ok.

3. In the meantime here's a shot of what I've been doing at work lately on my EMS month:

Emergency medicine has it's perks.

4. I totally missed out on the opportunity to do a sappy, sweet anniversary post when we celebrated two years on August 31. My mom gave us the best gift ever and flew in for the weekend so she could help us around the house and watch the little man for some dates. We went out to dinner twice (!) and also went for a hike, which was totally therapeutic and some time that we really needed together.

 

5. Continuing on the fall note, it's my favorite time of year for outfits. I recently picked up a few things using a credit that I had from my Loft (everything is currently 40% off with the code fallstyle!) I definitely did not need another pencil skirt, but the mustard pattern was too good to pass up. The blouse is breastfeeding-friendly and both the skirt and the blouse will be great pieces for an emergency medicine conference that I have in Chicago next month. The cardi and top are great basics.

Links: Skirt // Cardi // Long-sleeve top // Printed blouse

 6. And another outfit that I planned to share last Sunday but didn't have time to post:

Skirt: J. Crew

Vest: J. Crew Factory, super similar here or here

The last time that I wore that utility vest was actually when I was very pregnant so it was nice to be able to zip it this time ha. I'm not sure that I love it how I wore it with the maxi skirt/tee but I think it'll look great over a striped top and skinny jeans/boots for fall.

7. You probably noticed from the pictures how big our little guy is getting...I feel like I can barely remember bringing him home as a teeny newborn on the cusp of being small for gestational age...now I'm guessing he's 60th percentile? We shall see at his 4 month (!) check up in a little over a week. We love him so very much and he is worth the sleepless nights a thousand times over (I can't imagine what it's like to have a baby that sleeps through the night but someday it'll come). He is getting to be more and more interactive and it's such a joy...

Linking up with Jen // The Pleated Poppy

On this outfit...and glorious weekends

Cardi: Loft

Top: Collective Concepts

Jeans: J Brand

Booties: Sam Edelman (thrifted last year)

 1. This outfit fits my postpartum criteria for long drapey tops, and also goes back to my girly roots (oh how I love pink...and a great drapey cardigan). The cardi also doubles as a nursing cover, and it's only $15 on sale right now at Loft. I saw the floral top originally on someone's Stitch Fix review and then found it on clearance at Off Saks (it's 40% off this weekend!).

2. My jeans (wearing them above...and in just about every other postpartum photo on my blog where I'm wearing jeans) are still on sale and I so wish that I could justify another pair, since I go into half-crisis mode whenever the little man spits on them (and I wash them way less than I really should).

3. My favorite pants of all time are 40% off sale price again this weekend (reviewed them here).

4. I have another Stitch Fix scheduled for next week and I'm pretty darn excited to see what the pretty little box brings this month. I'll be sure to share some reviews soon (in the meantime you can read last month's review here). I've been wearing the embroidered tank and the grey striped top they sent last month over and over again.

5. Due to some scheduling glitch (and the grace of God) I ended up with a three day weekend this month. Part of me wants to go somewhere and take advantage of what will be one of my very few long weekends over the next three years...but most of me just wants to stay at home and cuddle Stephen Gabriel.

6. I shared my birth story this past week (part one here, part two here) and I think it may have come off a little strong based on some of the comments...but at least I can say that it was honest? I wrote it a few weeks after his birth and when I re-read it before I posted it, it was almost like re-living it again. I feel like I understand the meaning of suffering in a much deeper way since his birth...both in the sense that it was unlike any suffering I've ever experienced before and because the gift that came of it in little Stephen was so much greater than anything I could have ever imagined.

7. Stephen and I are celebrating our second anniversary this weekend...any last minute anniversary gift ideas for him? Just call me uber prepared ha.

Have a glorious weekend. Linking with Jen.

On white jeans, and intern year...

Headband: Urban Outfitters

Chambray: J. Crew

Jeans: J. Crew

Sandals: Sam Edelman

 1. Yesterday was Stephen Gabriel's (a.k.a. Junior's) 3 month birthday. Of course every mom says this, but I just can't get over how adorable and sweet he is...he's brought an incredible amount of joy into our lives during his very short existence. It's been harder than I ever anticipated being away from him, but on the bright side it makes me cherish all the time that I get to spend with him while I'm at home. It also makes me want to do a better job at work - if I have to be away from him, I want to be the very best doctor that I can be while I'm gone.

2. Intern year as a resident is incredibly difficult. The first week was so powerfully overwhelming that it's hard to put it into words. It's an immense responsibility, making decisions that affect other people's lives. And the entire first week was also an internal struggle for me, being away from the baby and quite honestly wondering at times why I ever decided to go to medical school. The last couple weeks have been an uphill climb though...I'm learning a lot and feel grateful that I've been able to take care of some patients that really needed it and also that Stephen Sr. is doing such a good job at home.

3. Next a disclaimer that tucked under my shirt in these pictures is a holter monitor. I've had problems with heart palpitations in the past (although not until I started medical school and took board exams ha) and they've returned with a vengeance. I'm almost 100% certain that it's from fatigue (emergency medicine residency may be better than some, but we're constantly switching shifts and working all kinds of weird hours) and stress, but after Stephen felt my wildly irregular pulse for the upteenth time he convinced me to go see a doctor. They take palpitations seriously after pregnancy, so holter monitor and echo it is.

4. These jeans. I credit them to Gigi, because she shared that there was some kind of crazy pricing going on at J. Crew and they were marked down to $15 (now sadly back to $115). I own one other pair of white jeans that now happily button but unfortunately have no stretch and are pretty low rise...and stretch plus a higher rise are the keys to comfortable jeans postpartum I've discovered. These are the other jeans I've been living in (I'm probably wearing them in any recent pictures on the blog where I have jeans on)...I found them on sale at Nordstrom Rack while I was still pregnant and they've been a lifesaver.

5. I've discovered that postpartum hair loss is really a thing. I thought that I was exempt because my hair did just fine for the first couple months postpartum, but it turns out that the three month mark is about where it starts. Hence the headband which is covering up an embarrassingly thin area near the front of my head...and since this headband actually stays on my rather large head and my hair is probably not growing back any time soon, I'm about to order two more.

6. I feel like my style has gone through a major change since I had little Stephen. I'm not as attracted to the recent arrivals at J. Crew (also partially due to the fact that my closet already has an overabundance of J. Crew/J. Crew factory) and instead have been gravitating towards drapey tops with fun prints like the ones I got recently from Stitch Fix (post here) and also more boho pieces like this kimono from Anthro (if it would only go on sale....way on sale).

7. Last but not least, I shared the first part of little Stephen's birth story here, and part two will be up on Monday.

Happy weekend! I'll be working all weekend, but this week marks the end of my first month of intern year, which is pretty darn satisfying. Linking with Jen.

On childbirth...and Stephen Gabriel

1. It's been 9 days since the arrival of our precious little bundle. It's amazing how much love I feel for this little being. I still look at him sometimes and am in awe he's ours.

2. I'm looking forward to sharing Stephen Gabriel's birth story, but I need a little time to let the craziness of it all wear off. I have to admit that giving birth was nothing like I thought. Ina May's book was wonderful and all, but I felt sort of betrayed in a way...it was all just so much more painful than I thought it would be. I had so many (good) reasons that I didn't want an epidural, but after doing it without my perspective has maybe changed a little. But I better not share too much so that I can leave you in suspense for his birth story...

3. My hemoglobin had a nice drop from 12.5 when I arrived to the hospital around midnight to 8.5 after I delivered our little man. I shudder to think what it was the following day since physiologically it would have continued to drop, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out. Stephen was disenchanted with sleeping in a recliner and I was disenchanted with sleeping in a hospital bed along with all of the middle-of-the-night vitals checks. I full-on passed out the afternoon after I delivered (waking up via some ammonia salts to about 6 people surrounding me in the bathroom...childbirth certainly does a number on modesty ha) so the nurses were not too keen on me leaving, but my doctors agreed to let me leave a day early. I think this was pretty much only because I'm a doctor (albeit a super fresh one) but I happily took it.

4. Our little man weighed only 6 lbs 11 oz when he was born....so much for my concerns about birthing a 9 lb baby due to my post-term status. I actually didn't believe that he was that little and asked the nurse to weigh him again, but 6 lbs 11 oz it was. He was absolutely swimming in the 0-3 month sleepers I brought to the hospital (lesson learned, should've brought at least one newborn outfit) and required preemie diapers for his first few days of life. I never felt like I got super enormous at the end of pregnancy and I knew that Stephen Jr. had always measured a tad on the small side, but I really thought he would be pushing 8 lbs at 40 wks 5 days. He actually just barely met the criteria for small for gestational age, which made me super concerned (I wondered if being so sick with asthma/the flu in January played a role) but the pediatrician wasn't worried at all (and Stephen's brother was only 6 lbs 13 oz at term so maybe it's his genetics). The little man weighed only 6 lbs 3 oz at his first check up but then proceeded to put on a whopping 13 oz over the next week for a one week weigh-in at 7 lbs. Grow baby grow!

5. I'm feeling sort of overwhelmed about moving with a two week old. Fortunately my mom and a couple of my sisters are coming with us to help for the first week. The little man will be only 3 weeks old when I have to leave him for orientation, but I'm taking things one day at a time and happy that I'll be on maternity leave in July.

6. We are having Stephen Gabriel baptized tonight. We had the choice of either baptizing him this weekend or waiting until the end of July, when we come back here for my brother's wedding. Stephen and I did some reading about the sacrament (and also talked to our wonderful Catholic pediatrician) and our conclusion was that the sooner the better to give our little guy the graces of the sacrament.

7. And lastly, some picture updates from my instagram.

First time in the rock n' play - holding on for dear life (favorite picture ever).

So peaceful. He always has his hands up by his face when he's sleeping, just like he did inside of me. Also, the Aden and Anais blankets are hands down the.best.

We're still trying to decide if he'll have red hair like his daddy - but so far it's looking good.

So happy to see his face filling out!

First time using the Ergo swaddle carrier (it only took us 30 minutes and two videos to get the carrier on, and it's clearly only on half right) and baby's first hike (we went to the same place we walked when my water broke - details later). 

Linking up with Jen.

Stay tuned for some guest posts in the coming weeks from some amazing mom blogger friends.

Playing catch up...and happy Christmas.

I can't believe that I almost went the entire month of December without posting. I actually didn't even realize it until my sister said "I keep checking your blog and you haven't posted one time this month!!" It's kind of hard to summarize an entire month into one post but here are some of the reasons to explain my lack of posting..

1. Interview season continued...I got to visit Hopkins, which was every bit as amazing as I imagined it, and managed to squeeze in a day to explore Baltimore with one of my best friends.

Hopkins

"Christus Consulator" in the dome at Hopkins

Baltimore

2. I got stuck in the East Coast blizzard on the way back from my interviews which meant postponing my Step 2 boards to mid-December (I was so sick of studying by the end). I finally got them over with, and let's just say that a 9 hour computer exam and an almost-5-months-pregnant bladder are not very compatible. But yay it's over!

3. My belly finally started to grow. It's still not that big (my little sister keeps saying "ok I can finally see it but when's it really going to explode?") but Stephen and I can definitely tell a difference. And thank God it's finally rounder-enough to look a little less like I've been eating too many carbs. I've been wearing leggings every day since I'm not quite big enough for maternity pants but my old pants definitely don't fit, and this sweater has been my savior.

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

19 weeks

4. Christmas snuck up on me faster than any year before. Stephen was working...and I ended up in the hospital. It started with a little cold, and then progressed to a bad asthma flare, and then ended in an ER visit Christmas day after hours of struggling to breathe. After IVs and monitors and respiratory meds, a swab revealed influenza A. Influenza A is not kind to pregnant women or asthmatics, so with both against me I earned a hospital stay. I'm home now, and we've been staying with my parents a few days while I recover. Today was my first attempt to venture out of the house. I'm still feeling pretty bad if I'm honest...it's hard to walk up the stairs, and I have to sleep sitting up so I can breathe. But I'm happy that I'm home and that the baby seems to be holding up ok (which has been my greatest fear through all of this).

We did get our first real Christmas tree this year despite all the craziness

5. So we exchanged gifts on Christmas night in the hospital (Stephen stayed overnight with me...hospital policy normally wouldn't have let him, but it was Christmas...). I didn't ask for anything this year, and Stephen completely blew me away with an amazing black leather Coach bag. I was shocked when I opened it; it's the sort of thing that I would never buy myself (or ask for) and he came up with it all on his own (partly inspired by his observation of the $30 pleather bag I've been bringing to my residency interviews). He is just the most thoughtful, sweet husband.

6. And for our best Christmas present by far: the one bright thing that ensued from my hospital stay is that our ultrasound got moved up and we got to see the beautiful babe again...kicking and somersaulting and looking just fine despite it's sick momma and the myriad of medications making their way through my body for my unhappy lungs.

7. So we now know what we're having! And am I terrible to leave you with this? More details to come...

Lovely gender reveal cake courtesy of my sister

Linking up with Jen and hoping that everyone had a beautiful and blessed Christmas (and maybe less eventful than ours).

15 weeks + Quick Takes

 Dress: J. Crew clearance/Cardi: Gap (4 yrs old)/Shoes: J. Crew Factory

1. Here's 15 weeks! There's definitely something there, although I still think it's hard for the random passerby to tell that I'm pregnant. A shift dress is not a good choice if you're trying to not look pregnant, but I didn't have another option (that still fit) for my honor society dinner on Thursday so this J. Crew origami sheath dress was it, pregnant or not.

2. You never know how people will react to a pregnancy, especially those in the medical profession. At the awards dinner Thursday, I overheard my mother-in-law mention that I was expecting to the older female physician sitting at our table, who responded with (a sarcastic-sounding) "Well, that's one way to start off her career." This physician had a very successful career but never had any children, which seems to be a fairly common trend with women in medicine. Reflecting on this later made me hope that family will always come first to me over my career.

3. Some pictures from my brother-in-law's wedding last weekend. Neither Stephen's tux nor my dress fit particularly well.  Empire waists never worked well for me pre-pregnancy, but with the added pregnancy chest expansion it was almost unbearable ha. On the drive to the wedding I read Stephen part of the men's chapter in What to Expect When You're Expecting, which ascertains that men can experience pregnancy symptoms with their wives including weight gain. This prompted Stephen to blame his tight tux on the pregnancy (I'm still skeptical).

4. My sister subscribed me to this for my birthday and I just got the first issue:

5. This past week, I craved sushi with a passion, and poor Stephen had to deal with sushi twice during our travels. This sushi is from my absolute favorite place in Lansing, although I have to admit that the non-raw variety is just not the same (also I did not eat all of this myself).

 

6. I haven't worn jeans for weeks and after several non-successful maternity jean orders, I'm starting to wonder if I'm resigned to leggings the rest of this pregnancy. I did order these and these when H&M had a 30% off sale last week so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of them will work. Any suggestions?

7. I'm now 6 residency interviews down with at least 7 more to go (I have more than that scheduled but am planning on canceling my January ones). They've gone well so far I think, and my suit pants still fit so I'm counting myself lucky (crossing my fingers that they last one more month). My favorite places so far were Chicago, Mayo, and St. Louis Mercy (of course). I'll be heading to the east coast soon for a couple and am excited to check out Hopkins. More updates to come...

Happy weekend! Linking up with Jen.

Friday Quick Takes

Joining Jen.

1. Our camping trip last weekend in pictures:

2. Most essential item in our hiking packs? Probably the mini plastic bottles of wine. Just kidding, probably our freezing temp-rated sleeping bags and sleeping pads (please note how Stephen's pad is 20 times bigger than mine).

3. The infamous small town newspaper article that caught me completely by surprise. I've had multiple patients exclaim when I enter the room that they saw me in the paper. And yes, that is a large picture of my face (also I just realized that physicians is spelled wrong).

4. My sister sent me this adorable link recently and this picture is by far my favorite. She said that this was me as a child and I'm very flattered even though that little girl is definitely way classier than I ever was (or will be).

Via

5. I'm obsessed with lace and this Loft lace tee (left) is a dead ringer for the J. Crew lace top (middle) that I wore on Wednesday (I'm wearing the outlet version).

 

6. I'm more than a little excited because this lovely lady and her husband are coming to visit us this weekend. She's one of my best friends and we've been through thick and thin together as well as lots of life's important moments (including standing in each other's weddings last summer). 

7. Happy Memorial Day weekend! Here's to family time, saying yes to wearing white pants until Labor Day, and a long weekend.